it's time to talk

Here I am again, trying to put words on a page. I’ve been wondering what to say for the last week. I couldn’t get my thoughts to flow together, so this is going to be choppy, but it comes from my heart, so please bear with me.

I’ve discovered that being honest and open about things means taking a chance on being misunderstood. My hope is that through my struggles and challenges and joys and victories I can point others to Christ and reflect His image, but I guess I have not communicated that very well. I’m going to try to explain:

Life is hard (am I allowed to say that?). Christ never promised it would be easy: In this world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33) Praise God! He gives me so much hope as I walk this road of life.

I don’t want to be a faker and act like I have it all together. I want to be genuine. I don’t want to be a Christian who pretends to be a perfect person. There are real people in this real world who really struggle with real problems. I believe we need to reach out and relate to them and show them that the heart of Christ is compassionate towards them and He wants to heal their bruises.

Heartbreak is real. Depression is real. Loneliness is real. Illness is real. Painful relationships are real. Seriously, there are so many hurting people in this world…it just breaks my heart. Can you imagine how much more it breaks the heart of God? Who is going to reach out and offer them the hope and love of Christ?

That’s why I write. For me. For others.

My heart’s desire is to bring glory and honor to my Savior. He is more than worthy of our praise, even when we are walking through tough times. He carries us when we are too tired to take another step. He encourages us when we have no one else to turn to. He loved (loves) us when we were (are) still sinners.

I’m not writing this post to defend myself or my actions and say that I’m right and others are wrong. I’m writing this to defend my God. I don’t want to misrepresent Him or bring shame to His name. I’m sorry that I haven’t done a better job of honoring Him.

If you are reading this, and you are going through a hard time, I want you to know that Christ is your Rock and your Refuge. Turn to Him, not from Him.

I’ll end with that. I have some more thinking to do…Is it helpful to be honest and share struggles, or should I only talk about positive things? hmmm… *praying*

Safe and Sound

There is no feeling quite like the relief I felt yesterday when my Dad flew home from war. Catching the first glimpse of the plane coming through the clouds, watching the tires touch down on American soil, seeing their buddies walk out on the flight line to meet them, looking through the window as my dad steps off the bus, and then seeing him walk through the door. He’s home. I have a dad again. Joy unspeakable.

There’s no feeling quite like the emotion I felt as they did roll call. After every name came one simple, yet powerful word: “here.” Spoken from all over the room. They all made it home. Thank You, Jesus!

There’s nothing quite like watching the uncertain and curious gaze of a 10 month old as her dad picks her up and holds her close. You can read it in her eyes: Who is this strange man and why is he smiling at me and touching my nose?

This is what it means to be an American. My sacrifice of a few months without a dad seems so small compared to the huge sacrifice of others who will never get their dad, brother, son, husband, sister, mom, wife, or daughter back.

Countless heroes have died for you and given up the things you take for granted every day. How will you use your freedom?

Never forget, America.

my only chance

In my devotion a few days ago, I had a revelation. I don’t know why I have never had this perspective before, but I guess I had just never really thought about it this way:

This life here on earth is my only chance to suffer for Christ.

I’ve been longing for heaven because there won’t be any more pain or suffering, but that also means that my only chance to do something for Christ is here on this planet. I’m not talking about trying to earn my salvation, but when I get to heaven, I want to be able to have something to lay at the feet of Jesus. I want my God to say “Well done, Lauren. I’m proud of you for carrying your cross.”

Not even the angels get the chance to live on earth and suffer for God. That is for us humans alone. Can I not endure it for this brief life? What is suffering on earth compared to eternity in fellowship with God?

If you, with impatience, give up your cross,
You will not find it in this world again;
Nor in another, but here and here alone
Is given for you to suffer for God’s sake.
In the next world we may more perfectly
Love Him and serve Him, praise Him,
Grow nearer and nearer to Him with delight.
But then we will not anymore
Be called to suffer, which is our assignment here.
Can you not suffer, then, one hour or two?
If He should call you from your cross today,
Saying, “It is finished—that hard cross of yours
From which you pray for deliverance,”
Do you not think that some emotion of regret
Would overcome you? You would say
“So soon? Let me go back and suffer yet awhile
More patiently. I have not yet praised God.”
So whenever it comes, that summons we all look for
It will seem soon, too soon. Let us take heed in life
That God may now be glorified in us.

~From "Streams in the Desert"

it's going to be okay

Okay, Lauren…you can do this…just start writing…deep breath…

It has been so hard for me to sit down and try to write something on here. My life has changed so much there is no way I could ever begin to recap everything that’s happened in the last few months. I think I’m writing this more for me than for anyone else…besides I don’t think anyone checks this anymore. I’m trying to sort through the disappointments and heartache, so if anyone does read this, please bear with me.

The last year of my life has been the hardest, scariest, and most painful year that I have ever experienced. The world I used to know has ceased to exist and I find myself living on what seems to be a new planet, with memories of my now so distant past. I’m such a different person than I was when I moved a year ago. I’ve experienced a lot of new things, and I don’t yet see how they have been good for me.

When I surrendered everything to Jesus and told Him He could turn my world upside down, I had no idea that that was what He was going to do. Note to self: be prepared next time!!!

Surrender…

I’ve discovered that surrender not only means giving up what we want, but it also means accepting what we don’t want. I never thought that following God would lead me into darkness, but sometimes God takes us to places we don’t want to be.

I had my life all planned out…what a silly girl I was. I’m still trying to give up all those plans and just let God take over. Little by little, He is prying my stubborn fingers open.

I find myself standing in the middle of all the broken pieces of my life. I never planned on this heartache, but now I’m discovering that you can’t live and breathe on this earth and escape pain. I guess all this time I thought I would be safe from it. Follow God, trust Him, yield everything to Him, and everything’s going to be great. Sort of a “vaccine” against pain and broken dreams. Then when it comes crashing in, I discover I not immune to it after all. No matter how hard I try, or how good of a Christian I am, I can’t have a picture perfect life.

“The best things in life are the result of being wounded…it is a broken heart that pleases God…the steps of faith often lead to total uncertainty or even darkness and disaster, but the Lord will open the way and often makes the darkest of midnight hours as bright as the dawning of the day.” ~Streams in the Desert

The heartache, sorrow, and brokenness are here for a reason, Lauren. God’s holding on to you, He won’t let you fall. He’s going to get you through this. He promised. Just keep hanging on…