the expensive flu

I got a bill from the hospital last week. I am still paying for stuff from my long sickness earlier this year. That nasty flu cost me a grand total of about $1,200. No wonder it’s been a tough year so far. I could think of a lot I could use that $1,200 for! I am still very blessed. There are many people who have it much, much worse than I do. I’m pretty sure they would think my loss of $1,200 is pretty pathetic. I just can’t get over the fact that the flu can cost a person so much. It seems like a setback right now, but I’m sure I will be just fine and in a few months hopefully everything will be back to normal! I never get immunizations, but now I am thinking twice about it. What do you think? Flu shots, or no?

74 pennies

I found this story on someone else's blog, but I love it and think it is such a perfect reminder. I just had to share it; unfortunately my blog is being stubborn and running all the line breaks together so I can't format it like I want to and am apparently not smart enough to figure out how to fix it!!! "A couple weeks ago I came into work and I had 4 pennies sitting on my desk! So random-I was 4 pennies richer-but so confused about where they came from. The next day I came in and there were 12 pennies--the next, 22! What started as 4 dirty pennies placed on my desk out of nowhere over the course of a couple of weeks turned into 74 pennies!! I was holding out for a dollar! Once I had a dollar I was going to....well....I don't know what I was going to do with a dollar but it seemed like a good amount! I still had NO IDEA where the pennies were coming from or how they were multiplying but it was an exciting part of the day each time I'd walk in and see how many had been added. That was until tonight when I walked in and ALL my pennies were gone :( but I can't really call them my pennies anyways because they weren't mine to begin with. Aside from feeling a tad bit like Nancy Drew and wanting to find out where the stash of pennies disappeared to, I was quickly humbled by the reminder to not hold on too tightly to things that aren't ours to begin with! This obviously gets a lot deeper than pennies (though I am sure I could make a whole post just about honest Abe) but I'm talking about situations going on in your life too-breakups, past work situations that have ended poorly, past friendships-whatever it is- it wasn't ours to begin with. It's all been a gift from God. And it served a great purpose during that time in our lives! God doesn't 'accidentally' place anything or anyone in our path so there is freedom in knowing that when He has closed a door and opens new ones--we can be thankful for the memories, use the lessons learned, and stop clinging to something that wasn't ours to begin with... Blessing and may it be a 'letting go of pennies' type of day :)"

Painting Disaster

A couple weeks ago, I decided to paint one of the walls in my dining room as an accent wall. Not because I love painting because I don’t. Not because I’m bored because I could have thought of more fun and exciting things to do with my time. Not because I wanted another disaster because I tend to have enough of those to deal with already.







I wanted to hang a collage picture frame and put vinyl wall lettering on this wall. The wall was dirty, not the greatest color, and peppered with holes from the nails that held pictures for previous renters. It is also the first wall that you see when you walk in my front door. And it is the biggest empty wall in the whole house. Therefore, I thought it was a logical and sound decision to paint it.





I’m always trying to figure out what I can do to improve the look of this place, because to be quite frank, it’s ugly. I’m embarrassed to have people over (not that I do, but perhaps I would if my house was cuter…and if I had people to invite over lol). Because there is nothing I can do to hide certain features, I try to be creative and come up with ways to draw attention to something else. And this was one of my ideas. One of my brilliant ideas. It was just one wall after all. There was only one doorway and two outlets on the whole thing. How hard could it be?

I went to the store and grabbed a bunch of paint color swatches that I thought might work. Then I brought them all home and meticulously started the elimination process. Too orange…too peach…too burgundy...too olive. I finally found the perfect hue to go with my flat, cream-colored walls and even made sure it would look okay with my furnishings. “Innocent Spring Fawn.” Sounded harmless enough.

Then I got the okay from my landlord and on Thursday night I drove to Sherwin-Williams to buy the paint. I brought home my purchase and then went to work: taping off the trim and even caulking to fill in the holes and dents in the poor wall. It was going to look fabulous…I just knew it.

I poured the paint in the tray and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach as I dipped my brush in and started spreading it along the corner. My strokes got slower as I studied this color on the wall. I put my brush back in the tray and stepped back. I don’t know how long I stood there, silent and frozen. I finally found my voice and jumped frantically into the next room as if to escape the nightmare on my wall.

“What is this?? Terra Cotta? You have GOT to be kidding. I just spent $25 on this gallon of hideous paint!”

I couldn’t believe it. I tried to pick out the perfect color and I ended up with Sante Fe/Southwestern style disaster. It totally did not go with my furnishings or the other paint.

I tried to convince myself not to cry about it; that wouldn’t change anything anyway. After much agonizing thought over this current predicament, I suddenly remembered the paint I had leftover from my bathroom remodel. I knew I liked the color, so I felt safe about putting it on the wall. Even though it was kitchen/bathroom paint and semi-glossy, I decided that I would put it on my flat dining room wall anyway. I certainly didn’t want to buy more paint.

Friday evening, after a long day at work, I once again began painting. I put a little in the corner to make sure it would look okay and since it did, I continued on the whole wall. It truly is a nice color. Very warm, inviting, and relaxing. Some of my family are coming to see me this weekend so I will finally have some extra hands to help me hang pictures and place lettering.

Oh, by the way, does anyone need a gallon of premium quality Ter- uh, I mean Innocent Spring Fawn paint? It would look great in a Mexican restaurant! Or perhaps you need to paint the inside of your barn or shed (I’m sure the livestock and lawnmowers won’t mind the color). Or maybe you have three dozen pots that need a new coat?? Something? Anything? Let me know, I have just what you need.

One Month

That is how long it has been since I went home to see my family. I miss them so much it hurts.

Because of the crazy number of times that we have moved, they were often my only friends. I feel lost without them. I have always shared my life with them, but now I don’t have anyone to share life with. I have never been as alone as I have been these last seven months, and I don’t quite know what to do with myself.


I try to remind myself that God can use this time – the many hours I spend alone – as a time to grow in my relationship with Him; to seek His perspective and discernment; and to learn more about the nature of God and how that impacts my life.

For example, here is something that I realized more fully last week: I have a fear that where I am now is where I will be the rest of my life. In other words, I feel stuck and from my limited perspective can’t see how my situation will ever change and so I think that this is as good as it is going to get. There is an eternal pessimist for you.

When I voiced that fear over the phone to my friend she reminded me that goes against the nature of God. God does not want us to stay where we are spiritually. He never says, “Okay, I think this is a good level for you.” We cannot plateau when it comes to God; He is always desiring to grow us and push us into a deeper, fuller knowledge of Him. Therefore, life for us will change. Perhaps circumstances will change such as your job or location. Hopefully our hearts will change, and if we can work through our problems and struggles then we surely won’t always be an emotional wreck. Even if you are one of those people who live in the same place your whole life, there will always be new places to discover, people to meet, and things to try.



I just realized how ironic it is for me to be writing this. I hate change. I fear change. But because of the circumstances currently surrounding me, change is a very hope-filled and welcome word. It is hard for me to make changes, and they aren’t always welcome because they bring the unknown (I think that is probably what I most fear about change), but I have come to realize that it can be a very good thing.

My fear of “where I am now is where I will be the rest of my life” is a lie from satan. God’s truth tells me that He has plans for my life. He desires to grow me and use these struggles for His Divine Purposes in my life. This is not the end of the road.



I think of Noah – God didn’t leave him and all the animals on the ark, did He?

Joseph – He didn’t sit in prison the rest of his life.

David – Did Saul chase him his whole life?

Peter – His career as a fisherman took an unexpected turn.


There is always more to discover and experience…

God created me to be a somebody going somewhere.

I think I will go bake a cake…just because.

Things I Learn at Work

Today I had to figure out how to convert cubic inches to liquid gallons because some guy called the shop and asked if we could help him figure out how many gallons his fuel tank would hold.

Side note: this is referring to an extra fuel tank, also called a transfer tank, on a pickup that is used to hold fuel for refilling equipment while out in the field. This auxilliary tank is found in the bed of the pickup and these trucks are referred to as “Fuel Trucks.” End of side note.

He had the dimensions for his fuel tank in inches, so we figured the volume of the cube (V=side x side x side). That was the easy part. Then we were sitting there with 17,388 cubic inches wondering how to convert that to gallons. If I learned that formula in school I have long since forgotten (my apologies to my mom). I don’t normally use such formulas in my every day accounting work and my memory is not what it once was. Sigh. I really wish I was smart. (Wish I was smart...is that grammatically correct?)

After a few moments of diligently searching the internet (ya gotta love it!), we found our answer. The converter told us it was 75.27 gallons.

But that’s all it told us.

And that just wasn’t enough for my inquisitive mind.

I wanted to know why and I wanted to know how and I had to know now! So I kept looking and finally found the conversion formula which I will so gladly share with you because surely you want to know it too.

1 US liquid gallon = 231 cubic inches

Isn’t it beautiful?? I was elated!

i. love. finding. answers.

Here are some more interesting facts that I have learned at my current job. This is pipeline speak.

pumpkins – welding reinforcement sleeves
pig – a piece of equipment that is run through the line and is used to clean the line; pigs can be run without stopping the flow of the product in the pipeline
smart pig – a piece of equipment that is run through the line to inspect the pipe’s thickness and also to detect any problems such as pressure, irregularities, corrosion, restrictions, etc.
jeep – equipment that encompasses the outside of the line and is run across it to check for bad coating or a bend in the pipe that is not supposed to be there
pothole – this has to do with the Hydro-Excavation process; I think it is referring to the action of digging straight down into the line that they will be daylighting instead of digging a trench across the landscape
daylighting – the process of uncovering a line using HydroVac equipment (i.e. spraying the line with water and then “vacuuming” up all the dirt and junk instead of using a backhoe; this is beneficial because it keeps the heavy equipment from such a close proximity to the line and can be done with less disturbance to the surroundings. HydroVacs are used on utility lines all the time.)
snoopys – I still don’t have a clear idea of what these are…something about a valve…


Just a peek into the world of pipelines. :)

I got to drive this brand new pickup this week! It only had 13 miles on it when I jumped in. That was my exciting event of the week.

love this song

Peace

Summer 2008

Kaley 2009

St. Louis 2010

2706

I have been doing a lot of seeking, praying, meditating, and fasting. I think it is good for me to be driven to this place because I learn more about the nature of God and how He views me. It turns my mindset from these temporal trials to the eternal-ness of God's plans.

I have found myself pouring over the Psalms, searching for little jewels of comfort and hope to lead my through these days. The Psalms are packed with good stuff!! Because of the sufferings and trials of God's people thousands of years ago, we are blessed with these Divinely inspired words to give us insight into our own struggles. Just one more reason that I know God can use struggles for good...not only in our own life, but also in the lives of others.


Psalm 119:71: It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes. KJV

I have read that verse before with the reassurance that affliction is good and is sent to teach us. But when I read it this time, the very last word caught my attention.

Statutes.

Just what exactly does He mean by that anyway? Commands? Laws?

The Amplified Bible uses the same word. NIV uses decrees. Rather than look up other various translations, I decided to cut right to the heart of the issue.

Enter the Strong's Concordance and Vine's Dictionary. I can feel my mother's smile now. Yes, she taught me well; and oh how I love research. Truly.

The word "statutes" in this verse is found on page 974 in the concordance. As you will see when you look it up (you are reaching for that 50 pound hunk-of-a-book sitting on your coffee table next to you, aren't you?), it has the number 2706 next to it, cross-referencing it with the Vine's Dictionary (it's the 20 pound book next to the concordance). We will now look up "statutes" in the Vine's and it just so happens to be on page 244. There are two Hebrew variations of this word, 2706 and 2708 (no, I cannot pronounce them or spell them out here so if ya wanna see them you will have to look them up). Remember, our word is the "2706" Hebrew word. Now that we are past the tutorial portion of my research - aren't you proud, Mom? - I will let you know what I discovered in case you can't actually look it up right at the moment.

2706 - "statute; prescription; rule; law; regulation."

I find it interesting that "prescription" is in there because so often when we think of "rule" or "law" we get a negative picture. As if there is a strict dictator hovering over us waiting to pounce. But what if you think of it as a "prescription" to help you get better? A mental image of the doctor handing me a prescription for Tamiflu came to mind; what a relief that piece of paper was and oh the hope it brought me!

So, through affliction, we learn His prescriptions: what to do to become better. That is not a negative thing at all!

Vine's goes on to say that 2706 also has synonyms such as commandment, judgment, covenant, law, and testimony.

Here, the word "covenant" jumped out at me. Our God is a covenant God. The Bible is full of His covenants, and yes they apply to us today. This word emphasizes the authority and grace of God in making and keeping His covenants. It gives me a sense of security; and reminds me of all the promises I have in Him. God will be faithful to His word. There is hope in His covenants.

So, in a way, Psalm 119:71 is also saying that through affliction we learn His covenants. Affliction actually gives us hope as we are brought to total dependence on His Covenant to see us through.

Wow, God. So my next prayer is "Let my heart be sound in Thy statutes; that I be not ashamed." (vs. 80) May I walk continually and more fully in Your covenant grace.

If you want to continue researching, check out the words "covenant" and "affliction."

btw: you can also check out Strong's concordance and Vine's Dictionary online if you don't have the heavyweight hard copy edition :)

my heart's cry

Psalm 70
Make haste, O God to deliver me; make haste to help me, O Lord.
Let them be ashamed and confounded that seek after my soul; let them be turned backward, and put to confusion, that desire my hurt.
Let them be turned back for a reward, and put to confusion that desire my hurt.
Let them be turned back for a reward of their shame that say, Aha, aha.
Let all those that seek Thee rejoice and be glad in Thee: and let such as love Thy salvation say continually, Let God be magnified.
But I am poor and needy; make haste unto me, O God: Thou art my Help and my Deliverer; O Lord, make no tarrying.


Psalm 130
Out of the depths have I cried unto thee; O Lord.
Lord, hear my voice; let Thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications.
If Thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?
But there is forgiveness with Thee, that Thou mayest be feared.
I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in His word do I hope.
My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning.
Let Israel hope in the Lord: for with the Lord there is mercy and with Him is plenteous redemption.
And He shall redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

Happenings

This week...

...I put in 40 hours at work; haven't done that in about 6 weeks.

...I realized I have put 10,000 miles on my car since I bought it 7 months ago.

...I went to a Taste of Home Cooking Show with my aunt and cousin (and then to Panera for pastries afterwards!).

...I spent some time with a bunch of family who came Friday to celebrate my grandma's birthday.

...I got to hold my cousin's baby. :) :) :)

...I slept in until 9:45am Saturday!!!

...I had a really good conversation with my cousin about life in the twenties and all of the struggles, uncertainties, and major upheavals that it brings. She really encouraged me to keep pushing through all the junk and she helped me gain a new perspective.




These pictures I took on my phone don't do Bodey justice...he is way cuter than my phone is depicting! He is almost 6 months old and is such a content little boy. I will never get tired of his smile.

Kid therapy. That's what I call it. There's just something about them that helps my heart when I'm struggling. They remind me that there is still something to smile about. Praise God for new life. How very, very precious each one is! I know busy mommies long for a moment of quiet and time alone, but since I live alone I cherish the few moments that I have with kiddos. Wednesday nights with the 3-5 year olds and the funny things they say and do - yes, that's the highlight of my week. Even this week when I was so tired from the "stuff" of this week, I still dragged myself in there. I was so glad I did; they made me smile.

March 2

Something really weird happened to me last night…actually I think it was early this morning. I think it happened in my dream, but I’m not sure. It could have been when I was in my half-asleep state at 4 a.m. (I have been waking up at the same time every morning for the last few days now and I have no idea why. I go through my prayer list thinking that maybe there is someone who needs prayer at four in the morning. If it is you, let me know!! I am quite puzzled by this strange occurrence that seems to be becoming a habit.)

I remember thinking “Today is March 2nd.” That thought (whether conscious or not) was then followed by a deep impression that the date was important. As if some life-changing event in my history happened on that date. I shuffled through all available files in my brain (for some reason, it doesn’t seem like very many files are available in the middle of the night) for a clue as to the significance of March 2nd.

No birthdays...no anniversaries…certainly not a holiday.

3/2/11?? Is it because the numbers descend numerically? No, that’s not it…something deep inside is telling me something happened on this date. Must have been traumatic because it’s keeping me awake!

I kept pondering this as I got ready for work a few hours later.

Suddenly, while I was at work, at 8:35 a.m., it came to me: March 2, 2009 was my first day at the accounting firm. Yep, that was traumatic!

I was so naïve as I walked through those doors on that morning two years ago. Who in their right mind would start a new job at an accounting firm a mere 13 days before corporate returns are due and precious few weeks before personals? I was in for the ride of my life and no one even told me to hold on tightly!

Some words that come to mind are: pandemonium, chaos, breakdown, C-R-A-Z-Y.

What was I thinking??? Someone please remind me again why I love accounting and cried tears of joy when I landed this job??

Go ahead, you can laugh. I am too…now. I had so much to learn, and that little girl that walked in there that day didn’t even know what hit her. I came out of it a changed person, and I have sooo much experience now. I am very grateful not only for that, but that God carried me through every step of every day. I would not have survived otherwise.

I wouldn’t re-do it. I would certainly not want to re-live those days, but I don’t think I would file an amendment and go back to change it if I was given the chance. God knows what He is doing, and I am quite sure that the experience I gained will continue to come in handy.

My condolences and best wishes to all accountants during this time.

Psalm 73

Surely God is good to Israel,

to those who are pure in heart.

But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;

I had nearly lost my foothold.

For I envied the arrogant

when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

They have no struggles;

their bodies are healthy and strong.

They are free from the burdens common to man;

they are not plagued by human ills.

Therefore pride is their necklace;

they clothe themselves with violence.

From their callous hearts comes iniquity;

the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.

They scoff, and speak with malice;

in their arrogance they threaten oppression.

Their mouths lay claim to heaven,

and their tongues take possession of the earth.

Therefore their people turn to them

and drink up waters in abundance.

They say, "How can God know?

Does the Most High have knowledge?"

This is what the wicked are like-

always carefree, they increase in wealth.

Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure;

in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.

All day long I have been plagued;

I have been punished every morning.

If I had said, "I will speak thus,"

I would have betrayed Your children.

When I tried to understand all this,

it was oppressive to me

till I entered the sanctuary of God;

then I understood their final destiny.

Surely You place them on slippery ground;

You cast them down to ruin.

How suddenly are they destroyed,

completely swept away by terrors!

As a dream when one awakes,

so when You arise, O Lord,

You will despise them as fantasies.

When my heart was grieved

and my spirit embittered,

I was senseless and ignorant;

I was a brute beast before You.

Yet I am always with You;

You hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with Your counsel,

and afterward You will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but You?

And earth has nothing I desire besides You.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion forever.

Those who are far from You will perish;

You destroy all who are unfaithful to You.

But as for me, it is good to be near God.

I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

I will tell of all Your deeds.