stop fighting it

Last year, my friend gave me this book to read. I have been slowly working my way through it since I don't have large amounts of time to sit and absorb it. Something I read recently really grabbed my attention.

It is sometime hard to "internalize" the lessons of life...you may tend to feel rejected, dominated by "heavy-handed" authority, or fearful when a situation is really intended by God to help you grow...How we deal with disappointment and respond to what God wants to do in our lives reveals, perhaps more clearly than anything else, how secure we feel in His love and how close we are to His Father heart.

I used to think that pain and heartache was not good and should/could be avoided by following God and living for Him. I have "fought" difficult circumstances and tried to "fix" things so they are not hard or painful anymore. I have tried to bring order to chaotic events in my life to keep everything together and running smoothly.

I now realize that in doing so, I was (am) resisting what God wants to do in my life. God isn't as concerned with changing my circumstances as much as He is concerned with changing me. I have been so eager for my situation to change, but how eager have I been for my heart to change?

I am learning.

I am learning to embrace the pain and the difficulty. My God is so faithful to provide grace and I am so grateful for that.

I am learning to look at frustrations as opportunities for growth.

This isn't where I want to be, but that's okay. My God can bring good out of this.

I may have already shared this video, but I love what Mark Driscoll says at the end.

I was asking the wrong questions...The question I should have asked was "God, how are you trying to change me...What am I supposed to learn? How am I supposed to change?" I was asking God questions when I should have been asking me questions.

these days

My sister sent me a link to a really good blog post. See for yourself. I love the quote by G.K. Chesterson:

[Children] always say, “Do it again”; and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately, but has never got tired of making them. It may be that he has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.


One of my good friends sent me these verses last week. It was the perfect reminder at exactly the right time.

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed...So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:8,9, 16-18


I don't really wanna talk about the fact that I am 25 years old, but I do want to show you why I am upset with the Weather Channel.

On Monday, I decided to see what the weather would be like on my birthday (Thursday).

I was excited.

On Tuesday, I checked back.

I was shocked.

I was afraid to look on Wednesday, but I did anyway.

I was in the depths of despair.

I should have known better than to believe a weather forecast for Oklahoma.

I will now try to update you on current events in my life:

Each day is full of non-stop action; I feel like every single moment is scheduled. College has been on hold for a couple months because work once again took over my life. Last year, I made the decision to switch accounting software at the office (enter foreboding music). I spent a lot of time researching and comparing before I made my choice. Once the move was approved by the owners, I held my breath and took the plunge. I'll spare you the agonizing details, but I faced challenging obstacles and incredibly stressful days and nights at the office as I implemented the new software. I knew it was the right move and I knew it would be better for the company. But it was oh so difficult for Lauren. I often wonder why I get myself into these situations. ha!

You will be glad to know I am still alive. Yes, I am. Now I can add that experience to my resume and I'm one step closer to my dream. Now, back to school...

I am currently studying Introductory Business Law. That needs no explanation.

So here is what a day looks like in the life of Lauren:

I put in 8 hours at the office, and then come home and hit the books. By the time I have finished studying and getting something to eat, it is 8pm. That's when my "free" time starts - i.e. free time to work on my to do list. House cleaning, laundry, dishes, finances, researching, exercise, etc. I also usually utilize my lunch break to run errands or take care of a few things. I do a lot of multi-tasking. I memorize vocabulary words while I am working, exercising, or driving somewhere. Time is precious - you gotta double up!!

I repeat the above schedule 5 days a week. THEN, a good part of my Saturday is spent studying, and I always have a huge list of other things to take care of Saturday and Sunday. And then comes Monday again...

God has been so faithful to remind me that He gives me grace in every circumstance. I love to look for ways that He is working because HE IS, even in ways I cannot see.


P.S. I AM GOING ON A MISSION TRIP TO BOSTON AGAIN!!! :)  :)

worn

I am loving this song by Tenth Avenue North (I woke up on my 25th birthday with it playing through my head...). I still remember the first time I ever heard it. It felt like time stood still, and it was just me and God and the music. Everything else faded to the background. I sat frozen in that moment, convinced that they had written this song about my life. I felt a strong urge to look over my shoulder to see if someone was following me around. How did they know?

God is so faithful in my life. He knows just what I need.


I'm tired, I'm worn, my heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing.
I've made mistakes, I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world.

And I know that You can give me rest,
So I cry out with all that I have left.

Let me see redemption win, let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn.
I want to know a song can rise from ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn.
Cause I'm worn.

I know I need to lift my eyes up,
But I'm too weak - life just won't let up.
And I know that You can give me rest,
So I cry out with all that I have left.

Let me see redemption win, let me know the struggle ends,
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn.
I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life,
And all that's dead inside can be reborn.
Cause I'm worn.

My prayers are wearing thin.
Yeah I'm worn, even before the day begins.
Yeah I'm worn, I've lost my will to fight.
I'm worn, so Heaven come and flood my eyes.

Let me see redemption win, let me know the struggle ends,
That You can mend a heart that's frail and torn.
I want to know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life,
And all that's dead inside can be reborn.
Yes, all that's dead inside will be reborn.
Though I'm worn.
Yeah I'm worn.


P.S. you gotta watch this video too!! I just stumbled across it and will let it speak for itself.