*Movie Star*

Just a quick note to say that I'm going to be in a movie!!

Wait, before you get too excited let me tell you that I am only going to be an extra. I found out about an open-call for extras for a movie that will be filming here next month. So I went, filled out a form, they took my picture and then I got an email from them a week later. I can't tell you how excited I am. They did the open-call from 10am-5pm on a Saturday and when I went at 11:15 I was number 341. I have always wondered what it would be like to be in a movie; I wanted to know about all the little details of filming and production, but never imagined I would actually have the chance to be a part of it (even if that part is a very small one!) I guess I should have put this on my bucket list because then I would be able to check it off!!

I will be sure to keep you posted!

not a happy camper

I got three hours of sleep last night. I woke up suddenly when I heard noises and I have been a bit on the uneasy side lately so of course I was instantly wide awake with all senses on the alert. I spent the next hour trying to calm myself down again. Then the noises came again, and I finally realized what was going on. Something (I'm hoping it was only a mouse) was moving around up in my attic and crawling down inside my walls. How nice of it to pick my bedroom as it's hangout for the night. And the only wall it was crawling down was the one right by the head of my bed of course.

I tried everything: banging on the walls, telling it to leave, turning the lights on, playing music. It seemed quite undeterred from its nocturnal activities. After 30 minutes, I gave up and moved into the living room to take up residence on the couch, and that is where I spent the rest of the night. I may have dozed off a couple times, but sleep avoided me thanks to that unseen busy creature and the traffic outside on the highway.

It was a very frustrating night and I have to admit that I was sooo mad. Losing sleep tends to make me feel that way. Sleep is a precious thing and I don't operate very well when I go without it. Of course, I have already been sleep-deprived because of the whole break-in episode, so last night I was pretty upset about being unable to sleep in my own house because of that and a stupid mouse.

And today was not a good day at work. When it rains it pours, ya know?

I bought traps tonight so I can maybe catch this...whatever it is and (maybe?) catch up on some sleep. I am so tired.

more on this later

My movie star photo shoot...more info to come... :)

Facing my Fears

Fear is one of my biggest enemies. I have battled it most of my life, maybe because of my personality. I am determined to keep fighting it because I do not want to live my life in constant fear. Fear is bondage. I want to be free to live and love. I want to be free to dare to do great things. I desire freedom, but when life happens and my house get broken into or a relationship brings pain or unexpected bills cause frustration or whatever else shakes my world, fear often overwhelms me by stealing my hope for the future.

Knowing that I am not safe in my own house brings incredible feelings of fear. I have been working through a lot of emotions over the last week, and I am still (through God's grace!) trying to overcome them. I knew that it wouldn't be easy, and I knew that it would take time, so I am not going to beat myself up over it...no, I'm not. I am also not going to encourage or invite those feelings of fear. I take precautions and measures of security and then speak reason and truth to the situation.

Okay, I just had a sudden idea about how to describe what I am feeling:

Remember Bruce Wayne - a.k.a. Batman - going back to the cave to sit in the middle of the cloud of bats? That's how I feel sometimes. I am willing myself to face it and stay in that fear.

Please hear what I mean. I am NOT saying that I would ignore all reason or throw caution to the wind by placing myself in dangerous situations, but I AM saying that I realize that I cannot run from my problems. Running doesn't solve anything (right, Jonah?), and by sitting still, I realize my dependence on God and I learn more about His Divine Nature through the situation.

I hope all that made sense to someone else besides me...and just to give you hope and set your mind at ease, I am sleeping a little bit better each night! My Jesus truly is good. I am relying on His perfect love to cast out my fear (1 John 4:18), and I acknowledge that God has not given me "a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." (2 Tim. 1:7)

Here is some more ammunition. I use it all the time...trust me.

Psalm 27:1-6
The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.
Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.
One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple.
For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion: in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me; He shall set me up upon a rock.
And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in His tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord.

the diagnosis

Okay, this was another crazy day. I would like to preface the following story by saying that I had spent much time in prayer over my car situation, asking for mercy and Divine intervention (i.e. I was praying nothing major was wrong and that it would be a quick, easy, and inexpensive fix!). Here is how everything unfolded:

I made myself wait until 8:30 this morning to call the repair shop, and boy oh boy did the mechanic have news for me! He informed me that the computer on my car had completely shut down and needed to be replaced in order for the car to start running again. Oh, and he went ahead and ordered it and had it overnighted so he could put it on today. And it will cost $564.00 (without tax, shipping, or labor of course).

Really??

With shock and despair setting in, I questioned him, trying to gather more information about this huge crisis and trying to understand how this was possible. I was also upset that he had ordered the expensive part without even consulting with me first. I asked him to hold off on the installation because I needed to talk with someone else first. I then hung up and promptly called my dad, who agreed that I should take it somewhere else for a second opinion.

That was only the beginning of a series of phone calls trying to get everything worked out with my insurance for a tow truck and trying to find a nearby dealer that could get my car in before Thursday.

Meanwhile, my uncle noticed my distress and walked into the chaos of the situation to lend a helping hand. In the middle of the process, he called the repair shop where my car was currently located to try to intersect the tow truck driver to let him know we had changed our destination location. That's when the mechanic told my uncle that he had good news on my car.

Evidently, they had "discovered" that there were loose connectors and once they replaced a wire and secured everything, my car started right up and kept running. So there was no need to replace the computer after all.

Really??

I have to admit, I have my suspicions...

Call the insurance. Cancel the tow truck. Jump in the pickup, we are going to get my car.

They ONLY charged me for two hours of labor, but I was so very glad to have my car back. I paid, walked out, and drove it straight to my dad's friend who is a mechanic. I told him the whole story and asked him to check everything out for me because I knew he would be straight up with me. He seemed doubtful of the previous diagnosis too, and looked my car over thoroughly: fuel filter, fuel pump, connectors, etc. Everything was fine and he told me not to be afraid to drive it; he also refused to let me pay him for checking it out.

It was such a welcome relief; I am so glad I didn't have to spend $750 to replace something that wasn't even broken.

Today brought me these blessings that I am grateful for:
-nothing major was wrong with my car
-my dad's friend didn't charge me anything
-my uncle helped me get through the day
-I got to go to the store to buy food!

(there are four, Amy!)

I'm trying. Good grief, I really am trying.

I've been trying to be grateful, so I started writing in my journal every night things that I am grateful for that day. I have only been able to come up with three things a day, but at least that's a start. I was hoping that would change my negative/pessimistic outlook and help me focus on "what's right with this picture."

Then someone broke into my house last week.

Oh dear Jesus. That was a difficult night.

But God picked me back up and I did find things to be grateful for:
...I was grateful that the policeman said he would send out more patrol to my area.
...I was grateful to be learning that God is my Provider and Protector.

By God's grace, I was determined to get back up and keep fighting. I wasn't going to give up.

Then today happened.

And my car quit running...out of the blue...for no apparent reason...and the mechanic couldn't figure it out.

So I am grateful that my car didn't quit me on my long trip over weekend. I am grateful that it quit right outside an auto repair shop.

And I am praying that it is an easy fix. I'm kinda nervous that they didn't have an answer for me after having it all afternoon, so tomorrow I will call a tow truck and have it towed to a mechanic that I know and trust. Maybe it will be a simple fix, like a fuel filter. Maybe?

God, give me the grace to accept it if it is not and give me the strength to carry on.

.spring.