Kittens...

...are super cute, but just as difficult to photograph!!!

Press On

"Don't let the struggle define you; use your true identity to properly define your struggle. Make your adversary your friend. Let it help you prove who you are rather than deplete you and drag you along its path of despair. Make your overwhelming project your friend. Let it teach and strengthen you rather than control you."

(Self Talk, Soul Talk - Jennifer Rothschild)

"Recognize that who you are and what you struggle with are not the same thing."
(Self Talk, Soul Talk - Jennifer Rothschild)

"But we're not quitters who lose out. Oh, no! We'll stay with it and survive, trusting all the way." (Hebrews 10:39 MSG)

"Character consists of what you do on the third and fourth tries."
-James Albert Michener

"For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised."

(Hebrews 10:36 AMP)

*all photos were taken Labor Day weekend 2011*

For Such a Time as This

"Each soul is like a carefully wired circuit breaker that can function splendidly when operating according to its design but which, when overloaded, crackles with the sparks and shorts of a system bearing more than it can hold." -Rob Schwarzwalder

I tripped an emotional breaker last weekend. It was not good, friends. The 8-hour work days lasted about two days and by last Friday I was back up to 10 hours. I ended up going to the office Saturday and Sunday as well, so I worked a record 11 days in a row. I was under a lot of pressure because of a huge deadline that someone else had failed to prepare for, and I was so mentally, physically, and emotionally drained that I was not functioning well. It was one of those times that felt like the whole world was falling apart.

God reminded me that it was just a season; since He called me to this place, I was exactly where He wanted me to be. "And who knows but that you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this and for this very occasion?" (Esther 4:14) This company needs me right now and without my commitment and sacrifice, it would not be able to run smoothly. I was well aware that I was sacrificing for the greater good, and I may not ever be rewarded here on this earth, but I have an eternal treasure in heaven which can never be destroyed.

God also used this experience to help me realize that I am burned out. Burnout is defined as "a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by long-term involvement in emotionally demanding situations." I have been in this situation for a long time, but working overtime since July has been the final blow that caused several meltdowns. It made me aware of the vital necessity of rest.

How providential that the chapter I am reading this week in "Self Talk, Soul Talk" is about this very thing. Jennifer Rothschild made a statement that has echoed in my heart because it is so true of me. "I have always had trouble saying no because I don't like to let anyone down. But in saying yes too often, I let myself down." She references Rick Warren's formula for rest: Divert daily. Withdraw weekly. Abandon annually.

I must work on implementing this in my life if I want to avoid more meltdowns and burnout. There will be seasons of stress, like this summer. But there is always hope on the horizon: business usually slows down for us in the winter so it is only a matter of time. I had a ray of hope yesterday when I got to take off work early (of course, I already had my 40 hours in anyway!). This weekend I am trying to recuperate and get back on track with my housework, checkbook, etc. I think the next couple weeks will be better.

miles to go before i sleep

"...The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.

But I have promises to keep,

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep."

~Robert Frost

Someone sent me a smile

Apparently my coworkers have noticed that I haven't been smiling as much lately. One of them sent flowers to me and the other secretary to cheer us up last week. How kind!

I did get to take a full lunch break today which hasn't happened in months; it was quite nice. It feels good to get back down to only 8 hours a day. We shall see if it lasts all week!

excerpts

I am still slowly making my way through "Self Talk, Soul Talk" by Jennifer Rothschild. One reason for the slow pace is that I often have to put the book down and process what she has said. Here are some excerpts from her book that I have been thinking about for the last few days:

"Happiness isn't something you experience. It's something you remember." ~Oscar Levant

"The real power of any moment is fully realized when it is remembered. The experience might have been painful or pleasant, but its intensity and meaning grow when we remember and reflect upon it, when we place it alongside those milestone moments we've stowed away in our thought closets.

Remembering is essential to the health of our souls. So we must tell our souls to look back often...Here is your guiding principle: Tell your soul to look back only to what is profitable.

Some memories are precious, so we can tell our souls to recall them with pleasure. But other memories bring pain, and telling your soul to remember those is difficult. Yet both can be profitable to your soul as you assign meaning to them. Profitable memories are those that add to your soul wellness rather than subtract from it. They prompt maturity and growth rather than drag you down or keep you stuck in your own immaturity. Profitable memories contribute to your personal depth and understanding. They challenge you to think broadly rather than narrow your perspective. That's why profitable recollections can be either pleasant or painful. Even hard times in our lives can contribute great wisdom to our thought closets."

looking back

I have been here a year. It's been a very hard year; the most difficult year of my life so far. It feels like I've accomplished something huge just to have stayed with it for a year. Somehow, sometime, by the grace of God no doubt, there has been something changing. Not in my circumstances...life is very much the same and to some degree is more of a challenge since I've been working overtime and trying to stay on top of school. The change has been inside me. I think I am beginning to accept this season. Not resign in defeat or allow the bitterness to set in, but accept the lessons and allow the hardships to mold me into who Christ wants me to be. Notice that I said I am "beginning to accept" NOT "I am fully and completely content and satisfied with where I am right now" because that would be a very large exaggeration. It would be a wonderful thing to be at that maturity, but I must confess that I still struggle on a daily basis. However, I have been evaluating my heart and attitude this week and have been greatly encouraged to see that God has been bringing me to a new place of acceptance. My heart is slowly changing and my attitude is making its way from the place of bitterness to the place of surrender. Slowly. Ever...so...slowly. I think it would be a much easier journey if not for my darn stubbornness...

I am so thankful that God is answering my prayers. Believe me, if you ask Him to change your heart He will do it, but it WON'T be in the way you had in mind, and it will possibly be a long refining process. But it is oh so worth it. I pray that He continues molding me and my stubborn little heart.


Changing subjects just a teeny bit here: this is a tribute to my house and the year we have shared together.

Home improvements

Painting disasters

Break-in

But perhaps I have not properly introduced you to my home and all its wonderful features. Allow me to do that now:

I have a barn for my pony (I think most people refer to this as a "garage" for their "car")

Garage door opener (that would be me)

Security system (burglars beware!)

Dishwasher (me again!)

And of course, indoor plumbing and electricity. While we are on that subject, I would like to say that the cost of living here is ridiculous! Here is an illustration:

My house basically has five rooms. It is not total electric. I keep my a/c thermostat set at 81 degrees, thank you very much. I am very careful to conserve electricity in all ways possible. Uh, I also don't have other people using up excessive amounts of power in my humble little abode. My electricity bill from last month was a little less than what my parents average in their 3,000 square foot, total electric house!!

But I am not bitter; no, not at all. Yeah, I'm obviously still working on the attitude thing!