the will

Matthew 16:24 - Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

"Christ has taken the castle, both in-works and out-works, when He has taken the will - the proudest enemy that Christ has out of hell. When Saul rendered his will, he rendered his weapon. This is mortification, when Christ runs away with your will." - Samuel Rutherford

As a second-born, stubborn-from-the-womb, saved-by-the-grace-of-God human being, I was struck by Rutherford's quote. I have found it true in my life. My strong-will has probably been one of the greatest battlefields in my life. My parents can certainly testify to that. But Samuel Rutherford so eloquently described something that exposes a great truth: when Saul surrendered his will, he handed over his weapon also. When he gave up his stubbornness, he released his ability to fight back. That's why it's so difficult...I want to keep my ammunition, thank you very much. I still want a say, a vote, security, control, a back-up plan.

But no, Christ must run away with my will. That is the only way to truly follow Him. And when I finally stopped fighting the Holy Spirit, and handed over my weapon, I felt the freedom of being released from the will. It was instant change - the old was gone, the new has come. I had found Someone I couldn't out-fight, out-argue, or out-last.

It's a continual mortification process. As an adult, the stubbornness comes out in different ways. My strong-will still raises its ugly head, but the difference is that I gave it to Christ so He controls it. I still look down sometimes and find my weapon in my hand, but I am not under its control. I am in Christ - I have the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead.

All I have to do is let Christ run away with my will.