my life through my lens

 

 

 

 

 

*DIY Christmas gifts for family*

*He said, I am the Light of the world. He who follows Me will not be walking in the dark, but will have the Light which is Life. John 8:12*

*The one who would know God must spend time with Him. A.W. Tozer*

*home for New Year's and watching my sister play in church*

*winter wonderland in the north country*

*wedding planning with my friend*

*worn out by all the stressful overtime*

*God's beauty chases you down, all you have to do is let it overtake you and flood your heart*

desperate madness

*is it just me, or is anyone else having problems uploading pictures to blogger?? for some reason it won't give me the option to upload from my computer. i guess the pictures will have to wait. sorry folks. now back to your irregularly scheduled reading.*

Sometimes life throws curveballs (quite often, in my case). Too bad I'm no good at catching them; I'm still trying to learn that necessary life skill! I must admit that I am grateful for this difficult season because it has deepened my relationship with God. The intimacy I share with Him is what sustains me through each long day.

Here is what is really going on in my life: Work is currently eating my lunch. There are many nights I come home from work and go straight to bed (because I'm old and I need rest). I work late pretty much every day - and I've had an 11 or 12 hour day once a week for the last three weeks now. I find that ironic because that was a major reason I left the accounting firm two and a half years ago: I didn't want to work so many hours. Since I've been here, I have worked more hours than I did there and have much greater responsibility (i.e. burden) than I did before. I never wanted a career to take over my life, and yet my current job is all-consuming. I'm confused, God.

I put school on hold again. Like, two months ago. I desperately want to finish my degree so I can pursue what God has put on my heart. That's when I am reminded that if He truly wants that for my life He will work it out. In His timing - not mine.

I have no idea where I will be or what my life will look like three months from now and that scares me. But its okay that it scares me because God shows me in the midst of the fear that He is greater. It's okay that I can't figure my life out or make a fail-proof plan that will function flawlessly and deliver on schedule. That's not my job, and God is so faithful to remind me of that.

I have great opportunity to "cast all my cares on Him" and let go of worry (I said let go, Lauren!). I get to learn what stress does to my body and how to stop it (yes, please!). I am letting go and trying to be okay with facing the unknown.

Some days, I am okay with it - usually on the weekends when I can escape the madness. Other times, I am not. It's a process for me, and probably a longer process than it should be because I am so stubborn.

Julia Anne

Twelve years ago and miles away on this day in December, my older sister and I woke up to find a note from our parents on the kitchen table. Our mom was 9 months pregnant, and the note said that her water broke in the early morning hours and dad had taken her to the women's center where the baby would be delivered. We still didn't know if it was a girl or boy. I can remember the excitement in the air. Bandy was 14 and a half at the time and I was almost 13. We woke up our younger sister and brother (Kaley was 9 and a half and Chris was 6). Mom's friend came to stay with us in the morning, and Grandma Florence arrived later. The waiting was unbearable. Every time the home phone rang (this was before we had cell phones) I would run to grab it. I think Daddy called a couple times with updates, but it was a little before 2:30pm when our new sibling finally arrived in our world. I think it was my mom's longest labor; all the rest of us kids were born in the early morning and came very quickly. When my dad made the announcement that it was a girl, I couldn't stop smiling and I wanted to go RIGHT NOW to see her. My poor little brother was rather disappointed...

Well, Grandma wanted to take us shopping to buy some pink clothes for our new baby sister, which was great because we had only bought gender-neutral clothes up to this point, but as the hours dragged on, I was getting VERY impatient. I know...me? Impatient?? Hard to believe, right? Ahem. I think it was around 7pm before I got to meet my sister - which I thought was completely unacceptable at the time. I laugh now. I remember walking in the door and catching my first glimpse of her. She was in the incubator. She was soo long; twenty-one inches. And tiny of course; 6lbs 11 oz if I remember correctly. But beautiful. And she was my sister. She was God's answer to my prayers.

Oh. my. word. She was so darn cute...I could hardly stand it. I need to scan in all the pictures I have in albums. Even my brother admitted that she was cute.

 

No one thought she would learn to walk since she had "all those older siblings." But I had her walking around 8 or 9 months, thank you very much. I wanted to make sure my girl wasn't developmentally behind. I laugh now because maybe she was a little too advanced. She was signing and talking very early on and was using huge vocabulary words when she didn't even understand what they meant. Oh the joy she brought into our lives!

 

 

"racing" her oldest cousin

Julia has always been very artistic

 

buried with Christ in baptism...

 

beginner ice skater

 

the next year she was twirling and flying

 



 

 

Now my baby sister is almost as tall as I am and almost weighs as much as I do. We will be wearing the same size soon. Before I know it, she will be a teenager, and then driving. Next will be high school graduation. Okay, I will stop crying now... :)

encouragement for the journey

Truth from the Philippians SheReadsTruth study:

We all have our little things that we want to be known for, patted on the back for, acknowledged of us...Don't be discouraged for a minute that you're not worthy or that all your work won't be noticed or that no one will ever see you. He has seen you before the beginning of time. He has adopted you before the wins and the fails, before the good and the bad. He has called you daughter...Look past today and the present to see how amazing your true identity is as a daughter of the King of Kings.

Rejoice because no matter what the day brings, it is not the end of the story.

You were made for so much more than all of this.

in the arena

I love this quote by Teddy Roosevelt. I feel my determination and courage rising everytime I read it.

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and come short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

I will need that for the next year; it's gonna be a rough journey! I am currently enrolling in my senior year and I'm scared and excited all at the same time. The arena can be an uncertain and intimidating place (wish it was just an 8 second ride). Good thing the Creator of the Universe is on my side. Charge!

What Love Really Means

Dear Jesus, thank You for loving me. I don't know why You do, but I do know that I need You more and more each day. Thank You for staying with me and for wanting me. Your steadfast love is my everything.

daring to love

Ephesians 5:21
Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 6:5-8
Slaves, obey your earthly master with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ, not by the way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but as servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, rendering service with a good will as to the Lord and not to man, knowing that whatever good anyone does, this he will receive back from the Lord, whether he is a slave or free.

These verses are very convicting to me right now. I should respect others and seek to serve them, not because they are worthy or have earned it, but out of reverence for Christ my Messiah. He is honored when I serve in humility.

I must dare to love...Love when I am not loved back. Love when I am rejected. Love on God's terms, not mine. Love without receiving anything in return. Love with reckless abandon.

It is very difficult for me to do that (understatement of the year). I think - I know - the motives of my heart are wrong. I am still being selfish and acting in the flesh. This season is revealing just how yucky my heart really is. The layers are being peeled back and it ain't pretty. The fleshly part of me is not someone that I like. At all. Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.

This makes me even more grateful for Christ's love for me. His love is constant, often the only thing I have to hold on to. His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.

And I need it so desperately. Oh for more of Jesus, so there will be less of me!

Luke 6:27-30
But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either. Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.