Randomness...

I love ice skating...I'm fighting a cold...I thought the work day would never end...I'm ready for winter to be over, especially the "winter" in my life...I love my junior high girls...I need to start packing and going through stuff again...I'm tired...I miss my dog who is back home...that's not my home anymore, I need to get over it...less than 10 months until Christmas...today was one of my "I-don't-want-to-say-anything-I-just-want-to-be-quiet" days...I hate starting new things...I'm scared of the unknown...I still have candy left from Valentine's Day...I've been craving my prayer times with God...

I got it!!

Well, I got the job! I was finally able to interview today; he has been so busy with clients that he couldn't get me in before today. It was an easy interview (which I was grateful for after the hour-and-a-half interrogation I had a month ago!). It seems like a good accounting firm to work for, and although I haven't met all of my new coworkers, they seem very welcoming. I'm excited, relieved, and nervous all at the same time. After my interview, I stopped by my current workplace to give my manager my notice. I told my mom I was more nervous about that than the interview. I didn't think my manager would take the news very well, but I prayed, and was pleasantly surprised! She was very nice and was genuinely excited for me, but let me know that they would miss me. She said I don't have to give a full two weeks notice, so next week will be my last week there, and I'll start my accounting job on Monday, March 2. Whew. What a relief! By the way, I got this job after looking for 2 months and getting turned down 19 times. Oh yeah, and six months ago today was my first day on the job up here in my new world...

Other news: we closed on our house a week ago, and have started cleaning it. We will be doing some minor repairs, and as of now, are planning to move in the end of April. Does it ever seem to you like everything happens all at once???

Oh yes, I had to share these pics with you! I was babysitting on Valentine's Day because our church was having a marriage seminar at the church. Since I love photography and the kids were really cute, I took my camera along, and since I love photography and the kids were really cute lol, I thought I would show you some of my fav pics of them. Did I mention the kids are cute??

The Fiery Trial

February 10, 2007: I’ll never forget that day. I still remember what I was wearing. We were celebrating birthdays with family members, and had finished eating dinner when we got the call: our house was on fire. The 45 minute drive home was pure torture for me as I wondered what we would find when we got there. It’s a picture that is forever ingrained in my memory. The countryside was dark, but our house and yard was lit up by the three big fire trucks sitting in our driveway with lights still flashing, and the bright spotlights they had aimed at our house. My house. The spotlights cast eerie shadows on the bare timbers that used to be hidden by a roof. We had to shout above the noise of the generator. It was rather traumatic, especially for my little sister who wouldn’t get out of the car. The firemen said we could go in, so with a deep breath, I followed my mom into the house. The strong, heavy smell of smoke would have been suffocating if there had not been a huge, gaping hole in our roof to allow the cool, night air in. As I walked up the soggy stairs covered in insulation and packed with ashes, I remember looking up and seeing the bright shining stars in the dark sky. I fought back tears as I surveyed the disaster area. I couldn’t stop shaking. The firemen then explained that the ashes could smolder overnight and catch fire again, so we should get out whatever was valuable to us. I started throwing clothes in a bag, and trying to gather up my treasured possessions, and I think that’s when it hit me: I am homeless.

Kids, this is why you should always keep your room clean lol! Actually, their room didn't look this bad before the fire, we kinda trashed it while digging through stuff.

It was bitterly cold that week. We had to dig through stuff while there were snow flurries coming down. I had about 5 layers on in this picture.

We had to dig through the pile of ashes, boards, and insulation that the firemen threw out the window. The pile had toys, bedsheets, and other belongings in it.

My sister kept this Bible; she cleaned it off and dried it out with a hair dryer. And yes, it still smells like smoke!

Apparently, this clock stopped at the time the fire started.

The days that followed the fire were probably the most difficult of my life up to that point. The hardest part about it was that I felt like I had no one to talk to. My dad was across the world in another country, so my mom had to carry the weight of it all by herself, dealing with insurance, cleaners, moving, and more. I didn’t feel the freedom to talk to her, because I felt like I was supposed to be there for her, and help her carry the burden. She had to comfort the other kids, so I believed it was my duty to be strong for her. Many days, she was the only reason I got out of bed and kept moving: Mom needed me. However, I didn’t even talk about my feeling to anyone else. When people would ask me how we were doing or if we had lost a lot of things, I would force a smile and say we were doing fine, and we didn’t really lose very much, so we were blessed. But inside, I was hurting, crying, and wondering if I would ever laugh again. I would secretly say to myself, “If this is what ‘blessed’ feels like, I don’t think I want it!” I had never been so physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted in my life, but that was a turning point in my relationship with Christ. Although I didn’t talk about what I was going through with anyone else, I was completely honest with God. Up until then, I don’t think I was really honest with God about my feelings, which is silly because He knows exactly what I’m thinking or feeling anyway. Somehow, I thought that if I told God that life was hard, and I was hurting, I would be rebelling against Him, or I would make Him mad. Through the experience of the fire, I started understanding that God wants us to bring everything to Him, and even if we come to Him upset, hurt, or angry, that’s okay, because He’s God and He can handle it. So that’s what I did; I came to Him, and told Him how much it hurt that I didn’t have a home, that I had to go through this pain, that I felt so alone. Everyday… multiple times a day. And I discovered that He welcomed me with open arms. God loves it when His children trust Him enough to tell Him what they are feeling. After that experience, He also started working on me to be honest with others. I’m not a very open person; over the years I had become very good at hiding my feelings and stuffing them all down inside, but I’m trying to get better about being open and sharing with people.

Here’s what I wrote in my journal one month after the fire:
· I feel at least two years older
· I have felt a sense of confusion, loss, hopelessness, pain, despair, agony, and loneliness that I have not felt before
· I have realized how temporal and meaningless “stuff” is
· I have longed for heaven and a house that can’t be destroyed
· I have grown even closer to Jesus and learned to trust Him in a new way
· I have learned that it is possible to sleep standing up!!


Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

~1 Peter 4:12

This is My doing

This is My doing. (1 Kings 12:24)
My child, I have a message for you today. Let me whisper it in your ear so any storm clouds that may arise will shine with glory, and the rough places you may have to walk will be made smooth. It is only four words, but let them sink into your inner being, and use them as a pillow to rest your weary head. “This is My doing.”
…your weakness needs My strength, and your safety lies in letting Me fight for you. Are you in difficult circumstances, surrounded by people who do not understand you, never ask your opinion, and always push you aside? “This is My doing.” I am the God of circumstances. You did not come to this place by accident—you are exactly where I meant for you to be…Your circumstances and the people around you are only being used to accomplish My will.

That was the February 1st devotional from Streams in the Desert and it really means a lot to me right now. It’s reassuring to know that God is in control, I am right where He wants me to be, and everything is happening for a reason. He will work things out. I don’t need to worry; I just need to rest in His promises.

“This is from the Lord and is His doing; it is marvelous in our eyes.” ~Psalm 118:23


I’ve been making more phone calls this week, trying to find a job, and today I got a call from someone that I had left a message with. He said his secretary would call me Monday so we could set up a time for me to meet with him. I am soo excited. I can’t wait to find out more about the position. It’s with an accounting firm, and he said I would be doing bookkeeping and administrative work. Please be praying with me. I don’t want to get too excited because I want God’s will, but I am so ready for a new job. I’ll keep you posted!!!

Quick update!

Okay, let's see...still no job...things are as busy as ever...we don't have a date for closing on the house yet...I need prayer...lots of prayer. Yup, that about sums it up lol! But seriously, I would definitely appreciate prayers right now because I'm facing a lot of decisions, and I so desire to do God's will and make the right choices. It's so hard sometime to know what to do, so I'm trying to be patient and not figure it all out right now, but just take it one day at a time.

Thanks so much for all the comments!! It's nice to know you haven't forgotten about me!!

Here's something I got in an email and wanted to share:

QUILT OF HOLES
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes.Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was disheartened.My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me,and nodded for me to rise.My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knewit. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again.I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life.I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light. An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes. Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over your life to Me,it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'

Hello out there!

If anyone still checks this blog, I’m sure they will be feeling shocked at seeing a new post lol! I’m sorry I haven’t been updating, but life has been crazy. It was very busy during Christmas and hasn’t slowed down since then. I still don’t have access to the internet at home, so I have to go to the library and haven’t had much time for that lately. However, my manager has been cutting back hours at work so maybe I will have more time now (that’s not exactly a good thing, though!).

Here’s an overview of things that have been happening in my life since I posted last:
· survived the Christmas retail season
· visited my family in Oklahoma over the holidays
· started looking for a new job
· Dad turned 49
· survived inventory week
· still looking for a job…
· bought a laptop (Acers are awesome!)
· still looking for that job…
· had a very long and intense job interview but didn’t get the job
· been turned down 10 times and counting… (no one is hiring)
· we bought a house!!!!! (closing date: sometime in February)
· still looking…
· turned 21
· still working on my bookkeeper’s certification
· and still looking for a job

I guess that’s about it…all the major stuff anyway. I will try to keep you updated more often. Maybe now that my hours are cut back I can find time to post once a week…wouldn’t that be amazing!! I don’t know how many of you still check in, but I hope you haven’t given up on me!! I’m still on my journey of faith, and it seems to get tougher all the time, but maybe that just means I’m one step closer to finding an open door.

“Blessed Spirit, I give to You the entire responsibility of closing every road and stopping every step that is not of God. Let me hear Your voice behind me whenever I ‘turn aside to the right or to the left’ (Deut. 5:32).” ~From the devotional Streams in the Desert