It's Official

I really am moving. I told my boss yesterday.

Hello reality.

I actually feel much better now that I’ve told him. I was sure I was going to throw-up ahead of time, and I was so sick yesterday morning that I could barely stand in front of the bathroom mirror to get ready. And then of course, Miss Emotional cried in front of her boss…again. sigh. (I could cry about anything, everything, and nothing at this point in my life). I guess that will give me something to laugh about years down the road…

Believe it or not, I am learning new things about myself as I prepare for my 12th move. Are you ready for my newest revelation? Here it is: I hate disappointing people. God told me that when I asked why I was dreading breaking the news to my boss. I have always hated telling my bosses that I was leaving. It makes me feel like I am quitting on them, and I can’t stand being a quitter. I wish I could be dependable, but I never stay in one place long enough for that. I can’t guarantee where I will be in six months, or in this case, I didn’t even know I was moving a month ago…a week ago…

Also, I am still scared to death of the unknown. I always have been, and you would think after 12 times I would get over it. Ha! I feel like a wimp. But I am realizing once again, that it’s God’s strength that gets me through everything. I can feel His grace coming in a new way…well actually the old way: the way I feel His grace each time I have to start over. Each time I think “Wow, God’s grace is so amazing! If I can make it through that, I can make it through anything!!” How do I forget so easily??

Sunday night as I was thinking about having to tell my boss, I felt like a little girl who was crawling out on a tiny limb over a cliff. I felt so vulnerable. All the old questions came back: Is this really the right decision? What if it doesn’t work out? What will everyone think? Why does it have to be so scary? Will God catch me?

Of course He will catch me. He assured me that He is going with me down this new road. Truth, Lauren. Speak the truth to yourself.

I know this is good for me. The fear. The feelings of inadequacy. The weariness. It all makes God’s grace appear so much brighter and more real.

All I have to do is take it one day at a time. All He asked me to do yesterday was tell my boss…and I did it!!! Yay!!! I’m so proud of myself. The amazing thing is that my boss actually confirmed to me that I was doing the right thing. It was totally a God-thing. God has a way of bringing confirmation through the most unlikely sources!

Gotta go look for a house now!