the other side

This morning I could see to the other side. I am almost back to normal. I have had to lay down and rest twice today so far, but I am on the mend. Praise Jesus.

It has been such a difficult time for me. There were many days of frustrations and tears during this long sickness. My body was just not capable of performing normal, daily activities. I think this last week was the hardest emotionally. I was very discouraged and could feel satan’s attacks in my vulnerability. There were many times that I just wanted to throw in the towel. I wanted to quit, run away, and go home to mom and dad where I knew I would be taken care of. I didn’t want to face another day here in this place. The last six months have been very hard and I think that amplified the discouragement I have felt while sick.

I have done a lot of soul searching during the time I spent in bed. I have been working through a lot of stuff with God, but I have also been seeking the reason for my prolonged battle with this flu. I don’t want this hard time to be wasted, so if there is a lesson I am supposed to be learning, then by all means I will learn it!! God has been showing me several things, but I feel like a pivotal moment came when I realized that this was a “Job” test [as in the guy in the Bible]. I realized that satan wanted me to be mad at God. I have to admit that I was very upset at times, but when I realized that I could not let satan get the best of me in this situation, I began quoting Job. “The Lord gives {health} and the Lord takes away {health}. {Even still,} Blessed be the name of the Lord.” As Job did, I still felt the freedom to express my frustrations with God, but I was not cursing Him…I was communicating with Him. That is a very important aspect of the Christian life.

This morning, the birds were singing outside my window, this snow is melting, and it’s a pretty day. It feels like spring is coming. I know this winter season will bring more cold, wintery days, but I am okay with that right now. I know God will get me through those when they come.

Powell Gardens, Summer 2009