Treasures in the Darkness

Sorry I haven’t updated for a while. I think the post about apartment life took the last ounce of humor that I had. I was pretty down last week. I don’t want my blog to be depressing, and I hesitate to post things that sound like that. But I also don’t want to be fake. So I’ll be honest.

I’m struggling. I’m not enjoying life right now. It’s meaningless to me. When I try to look into my future, I see nothing but more of what I’m facing and fighting right now. And I want to go home. I don’t mean to some place here on earth, because in reality, I don’t feel like I belong anywhere. I want to go to my Real Home…in Heaven…with Jesus. Escape all these trials and hardships. Yeah, I had great plans for my life, and things I wanted to do before going Home. But now with those dreams slipping away, I find myself staring into nothing. Well, I’ve said enough about that, and I’ll spare you the rest of my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. But I would like to share something else.

I’ve been trying to read a book called “Prepare for Rain” by Michael Catt. It’s the story of the church that produced the movie Facing the Giants and the soon-to-be-released- in-theaters Fireproof (it opens September 26th and you have to go see it!!!). I haven’t gotten very far in the book because I haven’t had time for reading recently. But I found some time the other day when I was in line for the bathroom. Yes, you read that right. You see, another apartment story in itself is the fact that we only have one bathroom. And my family came to visit last week. Do the math. Seven people (five of them girls)…one bathroom…what do you come up with? A long line morning and evening and at certain intervals in between. In fact, I had to skip Sunday School this morning, because I was sitting in rush hour traffic in the hallway. But anyway, back to the book. As I was waiting in line one night about 10:30, I pulled the book out to keep myself from going crazy. I was reading along in chapter 4, and the author started talking about Isaiah 45 (you should read it sometime!). Here is what Michael Catt had to say:

“Sometimes we can’t imagine God working outside our box, our denomination, our theology or our system. I have to admit that it sometimes bothers me that God blesses people I disagree with. I, like the Israelites, would have to say I struggle when God uses someone like Cyrus. But He isn’t bound by my thoughts about how He should work. It bothers me that God uses problems to perfect us. It would be so much easier if he would just zap us with microwave spirituality. I would certainly never vote for God to use a Cyrus. I would never call Cyrus 'God’s anointed.' I had to learn that God is in charge and I’m not— or, as Martin Luther put it, 'Let God be God!' Embracing those four words would revolutionize the way we view life and circumstances beyond our control.”

A couple things stood out to me when I read this. First of all, what he said about Cyrus reminded me about the elections coming up. It’s reassuring to know that God can use a “Cyrus” to accomplish His plans. I hope we elect godly leaders this November, but whatever happens, God is in control. God is in control!!! *exhaling with relief* It also reminded me of the many times I’ve questioned the prosperity of unbelievers. “Why is everything working out for them while life is so hard for me??” Once again, God is in control, and He has different things in mind for them.

The second thing that stood out to me was what he said about God not working in our box. “…we can’t imagine God working outside our box…He isn’t bound by my thoughts about how He should work. It bothers me that God uses problems to perfect us. It would be so much easier if he would zap us with microwave spirituality…I had to learn that God is in charge and I’m not…’Let God be God!’” I often wish I could just skip all these hard lessons, but look at what Isaiah 45:3 says, “And I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that it is I, the Lord, the God of Israel, Who calls you by your name.” God has treasures for me in this darkness. He has hidden riches in this secret place He has brought me to. That promise gives me the strength to move on, keep trying, continue fighting. I can only take it one day at a time. Don’t look at the future. Just face today. And look for the treasure in the darkness…even when I'm waiting in line for the bathroom. ;)